2005_11_01_archive

This is me prostituting my blog again. I've been putting it off

for a while now, so we'll see if I can get all the sponsors in

here in one fell swoop.

Hmmmmm.....

PRINCESS JILL AND THE WORST STORY I'VE EVER WRITTEN

by Jill Twiss

Once upon a time, there was a lovely girl named Princess Jill.

Princess Jill was very poor. That's why people always called her

"poor Princess Jill" when they talked about her. That and because

sometimes she had raw sewage flooding her castle but that's

another story.

One day Princess Jill decided that she didn't want to be poor

anymore. Not even a little bit. She wanted to have diamond watches

and ruby diamond rings like all of her rich royal friends. Not

just diamond watches, but maybe platinum clocks and a solid gold

sundial. Yes, that would be nice.

So Princess Jill made a solemn vow to herself. A really big solemn

vow that she would keep for realsies. Princess Jill vowed that she

would Get Rich or Die Tryin. Princess Jill was always vowing

stuff, really. But this time she meant it.

But how to accomplish this great task......

First Princess Jill tried precious metals trading. It didn't,

frankly, work out as well as she'd hoped. Quite possibly because

she had no idea what it was. Also she assumed you had to HAVE some

precious metals in order to trade them. And she was poor and was

in possession of no precious metals at all unless you count tin

foil which she could possibly, with a few lessons, learn to make

into a swan.

Princess Jill was becoming discouraged. Would she never become

rich? Would she die tryin?

Luckily, as she pondered these very questions, Princess Jill was

visited by a fairy. A fairy named Mortgage Refinancing. Wait, you

say, that's a terrible name for a fairy. I know, I know. Let's

just say his friends Twinkle and Peaseblossom used to kick his ass

every day after school and he'd had more than his share of "fairy

wedgies."

In any case Mortgage Refinancing told Princess Jill that he was

going to give her the secret to becoming rich so she could afford

those emerald clocks she'd always wanted.

"The secret to becoming rich is right in your own backyard. Just

click your heels together and say 'There's no place like home.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home.' Then

pretend you broke your ankle and hire a good New York personal

injury attorney and sue the pants off the shoe manufacturers."

And she did. And Princess Jill lived happily ever after.

THE END.

I know, I know. It's rather a terrible story. But I warned you in

the title.

I also must give you one more link. And this is from someone who